Tomorrow is election day around the country. In California our ballot borders on the riduclous. The election guide for ballot measures alone was 191 pages long. 191 pages! That’s a travesty on multiple levels.

Chief among them is that even after reading many of those pages I have no idea what I’m going to vote for or against tomorrow. Right behind that is the fact that I’m probably one of the very few who bothered to read through it. Way to go, election process!

As far as the candidates go, I made some simple rules for myself that have greatly simplified candidate selection. I’ll share them with you:

1. I’m not voting for incumbents.
   Sorry, Arnold. I’m so dissatisfied with the general state of everything that I can’t bear to bring myself to re-elect any of you. Childish? Yes, but I can’t think of any other way to make a statement. (And he’s going to win, anyway.)
2. I’m not voting for anyone who called me on the phone.
   Sorry, Garamendi. I’ve had it with using canned telephone messages. You can’t tell me anything meaningful in a 60 second recording AND you’ve disturbed me and my family in whatever I was doing. Send me a helpful pamphlet instead or leave me a call back number if you really want to talk to me.
3. I’m not voting for anyone who can’t be bothered to write a statement.
   You lose, judges. That’s right, all of fourteen of you except for Shelia Hanson and Lyle Robertson are giant losers that earn my NO vote tomorrow.
4. I’m not voting for anyone who supports the 241 extension.
   Sorry, Jim Thor. You’ve been a fine mayor but anyone who supports building a little-used and too-expensive toll road through a wildlife area and state park doesn’t deserve support. Save the Trestles!
   I’ve been in this situation before. See that parking lot in this picture? That’s where my house used to be.

Whew. After all of that typing my fire has gone. How did Thomas Paine do it?